she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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