If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
