White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
