Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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