Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize