i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
