So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
