if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she looked like the before picture.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
