and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
