oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
