haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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