My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
