He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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