What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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