So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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