she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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