One girl and one boy is just not enough.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
