Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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