i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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