dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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