That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
