Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
