Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
