Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
