I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
