Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
