It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
