I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
