nut hugger
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize