i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
