I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think people are normalizing furries
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
