isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
