I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
