I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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