I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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