at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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