I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
