For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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