Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
