I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
