I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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