i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
