I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
