I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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