i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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