If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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