Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
