This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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