I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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