Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
