Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it's like heaven, but drunker
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
