apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
