spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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