I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
