and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
