i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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