you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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