i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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