So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
