3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i think i have two assholes
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
