Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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