as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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