i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
