The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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