I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize