I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
