All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
