and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
