We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
