Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
