I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
