I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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