Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize