i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
