this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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