I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
