I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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