Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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