I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
