She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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