Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
