Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize