I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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