Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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