Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
