my phone needs a breathalizer
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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