I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize