I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
