"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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