i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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