You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
