Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
