Pants 0. Shit 1.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
