no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
