we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize