My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
