I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize