I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
