u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
