she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
