So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize