those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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